The heat is getting to me today. But that's not really worth writing about. I have been thinking about performance vs. experience for a day now, another form of heat. For some it is probably not new information that I have a sticky relationship with live performance. Given a choice I'd rather be in the studio, engaged with the process of ideas and music. Live performance is that thing I do to earn some money, and hopefully find some supportive listeners. Not terribly inspiring, is it? it hasn't been for me, either.


Well, last Thursday's performance got me thinking some. It went really well because I was connected to something that was playing through me and it wasn't about me. As a basically shy person I was relieved that I could disappear into music. I have no idea if it was different to a listener, but it was different for me. 


At the end of the night I wasn't hungry and drained; I was energized and weirdly happy and social. I talked about this with someone and they pointed out to me that it's the difference between creating an experience and performance.


So now I'm reflecting on The Experience. This is why we go to music - we want an experience. Successful artists have a way of creating experience, of pointing a big arrow to the muse, of embodying things unseen. I have recently witnessed k.d. lang and The Swell Season create such  experiences. The musicianship was sublime and precise and tasteful, and the generous luminous quality of the lead performers created something close to church.


At the time I was thrilled to turn off my music critic mind and be swept away by sounds, trusting that all the sounds would be perfect. Sometimes I'd have a mental moment of student to teacher, "how do you do that????" I would ask in my head. 


Weeks and months later it occurs to me now that perhaps they weren't performing at all. Rather they were open empty vessels for The Experience. Heat and light. A possession.


I don't know how one does this, but that sounds like a lot of fun. If live performances can somehow become live experiences, I might sign up.


Before I sign out I should share that I think I found a new doctor! I'll be changing a bunch of stuff around and doing yet a few more tests. When pieces fall together it's another good day. Now someone get me a fan and a glass of ice water.