Practicing Surrender

Sometime we just have to let things be alright. Even if they're not. Even if they are. I've been trying to open up an allow things to be easy of late. It's amazing how hard this is for me. I'm always looking for the angle, for the other shoe. It's not that I don't trust everything will work out, but I have to consciously remind myself to let go of the notion that it must be hard.

I've been trying to apply this to my creative process. It means not forcing the issue, or going after the challenge. Rather, it means doing what's easy, and natural. It means going from little bliss to little bliss, and letting the rest take care of itself.

It's the equivalent of eating your favorite part of dinner first, and then not bothering at all with the thing on the plate that you don't like. And not feeling bad about it.

I can feel myself daily, almost hourly, being sucked into wondering what's wrong, or wondering if I'm doing everything I can. Then I check myself. I find the sweet spot, and turn off the debbie downer switch, and just let it be ok. Even if it isn't. Even if it is.

Side A Starts Now

Wow, so shamanism. I learned more about the patterns of my life in 30 minutes than I have in years of journaling. From what I understand, it takes a few weeks to integrate what I've been given. While I do that I'll probably stray off-line. See you on the flip side.

The Known and Unknown

Three things have been on my mind as of late: Irish Music, Shaman truths, and Day Jobs. In an effort to keep my life from becoming stagnant I have accepted a proposal to learn some Irish & Scottish ballads in the hopes that I will be that girl singing every so often with some excellent Irish bands in the area. We'll see. I've been swimming in Irish music for the past month, trying to identify what songs will work with my voice (and, geez, can I do that little trilly thing that all the singers do???). Stay tuned. If this works out, I've just embarked on something new.

Next, Shaman truths. As it turns out, my inner work has led me to all things energetic and spiritual. The futuristic notion of Quantum healing flits at the edges of my consciousness these days. And somehow they compliment so easily the ancient arts that work with spirit and soul. I am both attracted to and freaked out by the prospects of these two worlds, and how they might collide in my life and change my future. I have no idea what this means for who I could become....hopefully something more restorative than I can even possibly imagine. Why explore this? Because it keeps coming up, that's why. It comes out of nowhere and won't get off my front page. Plus I've just had this feeling for a few months that I'm missing something, and it's not a conscious something, it's something else. I will, indeed, be meeting a shaman next week.

Then there are day jobs. God, what a weird concept, no? If I ever start a podcast or something I will interview artists about their creative process, sure, but what most fascinates me is the 'day job.' People that we just assume are working full time as artists, are they really? Or do they have a day job? Or do they have passive income, or are they living with their parents, or do they have a wealthy spouse? Much as I am grateful for the many day jobs I've had over the years, there's something about that model that has made me literally sick. I'm starting to wonder if I should just accept the fact that I don't actually work well with that model, much as I wish I did. But if not this, what?

So I've been ruminated a lot about the known and the unknown. What do I hold on to just because it's known, and where do I get the courage to push beyond that into the unknown? While I mull that over in everywhere but my mind, I shyly reach for shaman truths, and soak in Irish love songs. Maybe someday I'll shed the day job, and be an entirely new kind of snake.