Well, it looks like I've cycled back down to another episode of adrenal exhaustion. My kidneys are killing me, and I just feel like I'm coming down with something. I guess when the remedy is REST, it really means rest. Not quit one of your jobs and exchange it for fixing up the house. Bad idea, bad idea.
I'm hosting friends today and then I swear I'm on the couch, with a pencil and sketch pad in hand whiling away the hours. Since my exhaustion is moderate to severe I am told I can expect 2 years to recovery...and that is if I'm doing everything right. So far, I'm not doing everything right so I guess I'm back to square one, and I'll keep coming back to square one until I learn. I swear I'm learning, although I can't wait for 2012.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Devotions
I am officially ridiculously into alternative and integrated medicine. I want to convert the world.
I remember when I was in high school (a religious private school) there was a wave of evangelical fervor that swept through, and people were obsessed with speaking in tongues and casting out demons, vicariously causing me all kinds of distress and disgust. Anytime a class would get distracted by demon conversation I just felt an icky darkness descend upon the room, and I wondered why anyone would want to be brainwashed into channeling that crap. My Led Zeppelin albums were considered evil and, yes, I didn't do 'devotions' every day so I was probably not going to be Saved. At one point I was eating lunch in the cafeteria and I could see a group of students ascending the art building across the parking lot. They were climbing to the roof because they thought the rapture was happening over the lunch hour. I saw them later in study hall.
Summer break happened and then by fall all the kids who found Christ kind of calmed down. They were just my classmates and life went on. At that point I realized it's the initial falling in love part and wanting to share it with everyone that was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable in the face of so much certainty and passion.
Now I realize the value of that. We need to be uncomfortable sometimes. We really do. We need to allow people to be head-over-heels in love with whatever they've just discovered. It doesn't last, after all. It gets tempered by time and by living. Resistance to early expressions of devotion just creates rock-hard human beings, clinging to their truths. This is dangerous business. We must bite our tongues and open our minds and allow people to discover truth on their own. We all have our own path, and our paths enrich one another.
So, I humbly present that I am now that annoying 'Christ' kid who wants the whole world to have pins stuck in their meridians and herbs jammed down their throat, and kale mixed in with their scrambled eggs. It actually messes with my ability to write song lyrics; I guess that's my karma. Certainly, I expect my daily devotion will be tempered and maybe then I'll have words to sing again. The irony, here, is not lost on me. In the meantime, though, I only have words to shout from a mountain top: don't ever settle for band-aids for symptoms when you can discover and treat the causes of your illness. Don't accept your diagnosis at face value. It probably fits a bigger picture. Make sure you're looking for the big picture, that combination of spirit and science. It's worth it! There is that quote, "You don't find by seeking, but only the seeker will find."
I remember when I was in high school (a religious private school) there was a wave of evangelical fervor that swept through, and people were obsessed with speaking in tongues and casting out demons, vicariously causing me all kinds of distress and disgust. Anytime a class would get distracted by demon conversation I just felt an icky darkness descend upon the room, and I wondered why anyone would want to be brainwashed into channeling that crap. My Led Zeppelin albums were considered evil and, yes, I didn't do 'devotions' every day so I was probably not going to be Saved. At one point I was eating lunch in the cafeteria and I could see a group of students ascending the art building across the parking lot. They were climbing to the roof because they thought the rapture was happening over the lunch hour. I saw them later in study hall.
Summer break happened and then by fall all the kids who found Christ kind of calmed down. They were just my classmates and life went on. At that point I realized it's the initial falling in love part and wanting to share it with everyone that was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable in the face of so much certainty and passion.
Now I realize the value of that. We need to be uncomfortable sometimes. We really do. We need to allow people to be head-over-heels in love with whatever they've just discovered. It doesn't last, after all. It gets tempered by time and by living. Resistance to early expressions of devotion just creates rock-hard human beings, clinging to their truths. This is dangerous business. We must bite our tongues and open our minds and allow people to discover truth on their own. We all have our own path, and our paths enrich one another.
So, I humbly present that I am now that annoying 'Christ' kid who wants the whole world to have pins stuck in their meridians and herbs jammed down their throat, and kale mixed in with their scrambled eggs. It actually messes with my ability to write song lyrics; I guess that's my karma. Certainly, I expect my daily devotion will be tempered and maybe then I'll have words to sing again. The irony, here, is not lost on me. In the meantime, though, I only have words to shout from a mountain top: don't ever settle for band-aids for symptoms when you can discover and treat the causes of your illness. Don't accept your diagnosis at face value. It probably fits a bigger picture. Make sure you're looking for the big picture, that combination of spirit and science. It's worth it! There is that quote, "You don't find by seeking, but only the seeker will find."
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Future Imagination
Doggone it if I'm not feeling kinda good these days. So good I'm forgetting to breathe. (pause for a moment to inhale, exhale). Whew. Much better.
Now, I've booked a few shows out east for November and crossing my fingers I can travel. Also, I'l be doing some music at the Mother Earth News fair this September in central PA. If I may stray off of the art/music/health overlap and jump on my green soapbox, I gotta say, "C'mon USA. Get some freakin' collective imagination." When it comes to energy consumption and technology we are like doddy aunts and uncles, stuck in our 20th century ways with no concept of what this world could be like in 2210. I mean, really, how often do I (do you, dear reader?) think about planet earth in 2210?
Yeah, that's something.
Here we are, these soulful incredible beings, sharing this planet with millions of creatures. We are temporary players in this magical thing called living. Yet every day we feed the machine. We're not machines! Our hearts are warmer, our minds are poetry. We can screw up, yes. The paradox drives me nuts most days. Our collective unconsciousness of our own imagination and our ability to change, our human genius, is fed daily to the machine. I don't mean literal machines, although that's often the case. I mean systems and methods. When everything you have gets taken away, you can realize what you have that cannot be taken away. The heart informs the mind and the mind makes the threshold. And behind the heart is the pulse of life. That pulse is infinite. We are temporary and we are infinite.
So how much of how we live today actually makes any real sense? Because there are doors to walk through and there is no other side. With my illness, I've had an opportunity to see my existence stripped down, and with my continuing recovery (crossing fingers!) I'm able to put my awareness to practice.
And all I am trying to say is that I am happy to play music at things like the Mother Earth News fair. I'm happy to make changes in my life and embrace the grand adventure, road to the unknown. It's all ok, you know. Good and bad, it's all ok. So what if I forget to breathe? I also remember to breathe.
Now, I've booked a few shows out east for November and crossing my fingers I can travel. Also, I'l be doing some music at the Mother Earth News fair this September in central PA. If I may stray off of the art/music/health overlap and jump on my green soapbox, I gotta say, "C'mon USA. Get some freakin' collective imagination." When it comes to energy consumption and technology we are like doddy aunts and uncles, stuck in our 20th century ways with no concept of what this world could be like in 2210. I mean, really, how often do I (do you, dear reader?) think about planet earth in 2210?
Yeah, that's something.
Here we are, these soulful incredible beings, sharing this planet with millions of creatures. We are temporary players in this magical thing called living. Yet every day we feed the machine. We're not machines! Our hearts are warmer, our minds are poetry. We can screw up, yes. The paradox drives me nuts most days. Our collective unconsciousness of our own imagination and our ability to change, our human genius, is fed daily to the machine. I don't mean literal machines, although that's often the case. I mean systems and methods. When everything you have gets taken away, you can realize what you have that cannot be taken away. The heart informs the mind and the mind makes the threshold. And behind the heart is the pulse of life. That pulse is infinite. We are temporary and we are infinite.
So how much of how we live today actually makes any real sense? Because there are doors to walk through and there is no other side. With my illness, I've had an opportunity to see my existence stripped down, and with my continuing recovery (crossing fingers!) I'm able to put my awareness to practice.
And all I am trying to say is that I am happy to play music at things like the Mother Earth News fair. I'm happy to make changes in my life and embrace the grand adventure, road to the unknown. It's all ok, you know. Good and bad, it's all ok. So what if I forget to breathe? I also remember to breathe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)