Saying Goodbye to Trees

There is a tree in my backyard that I've been around for over 12 years. It's a tall pine tree that has nearly outgrown its space in the far back corner of the yard. Its branches extend over the rooftops of garage buildings. It's out of place but asserts itself anyway. I trimmed up the bottom branches and hung a wind chime on a low protrusion. When it's storming I hear the low chimes. It seems happier now that someone is caring for it.

In posts from years ago I considered that tree while doing detoxification. I'd sit outside with my feet in mud baths and just look at the tree. It watched over me. When I had my concussions I would lay outside in the grass beside the tree and just be, taking my cue from its quiet still presence.

This weekend a friend offered me a Reiki session after I did a show with a sub par voice due to a lingering head cold. I have been having recurring throat issues. I lay there on the table and she introduced the session by leading me through a meditation in which I picked a tree to work with.

My brain fell on that pine tree in my backyard. I was happy for a while and then somewhere along the way I realized that by selling my house this winter I will also be saying goodbye to the tree. I will not get to sit and look at it ever again. I will not see it outside of my bedroom window again, each morning as I raise the blinds and see what the sun and sky are doing. I am leaving my tree.

I am so sad to leave my tree. I don't know why but I love that tree in a way that I don't love my house. It's a living breathing creation that has been with me and for me and beside me through the worst of my adult life. Since my session I have this insatiable urge to hug the tree. Yeah, I know, it's a cliche.

I have no idea why my emotions run so deep with saying goodbye to trees. I am hoping there will be answers in my night dreaming. Something about this matters.