The Calm in the Storm

Oh, man, there is a big part of me that wants to delete so many of my postings from the last year. They are clearly stages in a journey of spiritual growth and I look back at them and say, "Wow, You. Wow. It's so different now."

Everything is so different now. I have engaged with this path for a few years, surrendered to much, followed the lead of signs, connections and keys that are handed to me. In many ways I feel like I've walked through to The Other Side of the Sun, as Madeleine L'Engel puts it. The suns burns away what's not yours and leaves you with just you. Still burning.

No, the health/wellness stuff still isn't really solved but I'm in pursuit and I've seen some things miraculously resolve. That's enough to keep me going. No, I can't seem to finish a few songs I've been working on for years, but others are flowing out like a well-inked fountain pen. They surprise me in their devotion and openness. I traveled last weekend and did it with balance and pacing for the first time ever. I came home NOT sick! I totally rocked it. And there have been other things, too -- tender realizations and embodying the teachings from people further along the path -- and mostly I feel a strange clarity and peace.

There is a calm in the storm.

"The universe plays hardball whether you like it or not. You either get on the field with your catcher’s mitt, or you spend the rest of the time sitting on the bench waiting for nothing to happen. Love is all you ever need to believe in. It will change your whole world whether you’re ready or not."  ~ The Awakened Queen

It's not that I don't have doubts about the things I love -- I don't think I'm anywhere near done with this -- but right now I've got more faith than usual. I'm ok loving what I love. This is new for me. And sometimes I think the Universe knows when you just need a break. I have no idea what happens next. I'll write songs and play music like I always do, I'll try to be a decent friend and make my home a place where I want to spend my time. I'll cook and bake and watch YouTube videos. These days I have this urge to master something, put some roots down in my experience rather than in places or what the world sees as security.

Life unfolds like a flower. It is not to be taken too seriously. It's a thing of beauty and it's here to bring you joy.

I'm posting today to mark the moment.

Quiet minds and global surrenders

It's been months since I've logged on to this blog. I think that's probably a good thing. I started feeling pretty awesome around the time I was songwriting. Then, like a runaway train, I kept on rolling just a bit too amped up, a bit too intent on getting somewhere.


And I crashed.


One of the things I've begun to really care about is the hydrofracking natural gas drilling that's every expression of imbalance, corporate domination, and backward energy-thinking, that's infiltrated the state of Pennsylvania. I kind of started caring a bit too much.


Question #1: How do you become an activist without losing your center? 
Answer: I'm thinking it's Buddhist in nature but I don't know what it is.
Answer #2: Love.


My heavy metals detox has progressed pretty well, I think. My second labs show that of the three highest metals, one is now totally gone and the other two are within "reference" range. So, I've got some work to do but nothing is elevated anymore.


My adrenals started acting up and I started getting sick a lot, again. So I'm taking a break from the sauna and the detox for the summer in favor of a few other things.


The other things: I had been on track to start making my 4th album, and on track to begin doing repairs on my house to get the mold remediated and get it ready to sell.


But I crashed, remember? 


So I started seeing a new person just for some immune support and adrenal recovery. We found out my entire system is all compromised, so I find myself on a new regimen of products. This time, it's all about getting my body alkaline. And interrupting the interference caused by scars. In my case TB and Small Pox vaccines.


Question #2: How do you know when you're too much on the journey? How do you know when to take a vacation?
Answer: I think it's got something to do with accepting that your timeline isn't really your timeline. My boyfriend reminded me that this is my journey and I'm on it. Although I want to fix up the house and make an album and do all the things that give me pleasure, I'm not done healing. This is my path.
Answer #2: You know when you no longer ask the question.


So, more Netflix movies (been watching all about Ancient Aliens!) and staying home and cooking alkaline meals and juices. Marveling at the wonder of early summer -- my nasturtiums are poking out of the ground. So are the basil seeds and mexican sunflowers.


I started 30 wysteria from seeds and one grew!!! Then the cat noshed on it yesterday and it's looking a little sad. Maja barfed it up and we monitored her pretty closely yesterday to see if the poison was doing more damage. She seems fine.


Meanwhile, I practice being who I want to become; I wait for a time of a quiet mind and a massive global surrender to love.