Roller coaster ride

Today it's back to muscle fatigue, fever, headaches, and tight throat. You know there are two things I miss most from this:


1 - I can't travel. A simple 1-day road trip can devastate me. I love to travel, so the prospect of not doing anymore of this upsets me. Plus, there go all hopes of doing music tours.....


2 - I haven't had 2 days in a row of feeling good since last year. And I forget it every day that I feel ok. If I feel good I think "Hey, maybe I'm kicking this" only to find out the next day or maybe later that same day that it's a ferris wheel roller coaster ride and I can't get off. And every time I dip down I have a new fresh wave of despair. 


These are the things I miss. I miss the prospect of seeing the world with my own eyes. I miss the expectation of tomorrow and making plans. The Catholics were wrong: purgatory is actually hell. 


My mantra these days is "This too shall pass." 

Budding evangelist for acupuncture

Yesterday I could barely drag myself from one position to another. I couldn't speak because of the energy it took. I could barely cry, because it exhausted me. I was clearly losing the battle with my viral friends. 


Somehow I managed to drag myself to my car and drive a mile to my acupuncture appointment. One hour later I could walk, I could carry a conversation (brief), I didn't want to cry. I know if I would have stayed at home and rested on my couch all day that I'd feel like a brick, just as sick as ever.


So, even though I'll lose 2 great-paying gigs this week because I've got no stamina, I'm gonna sing small praises to acupuncture. I can make myself a meal at home and answer the phone. Life is good today.

Living means turning

I had intended for this blog to catalog my art-making, but I'm now discovering that if I blog at all it will probably be about my healing. Yesterday I was diagnosed with Epstein Barr virus, after 9 months of "Why don't I feel better?" It feels good to know something. Beyond that I have no idea. Life is turning me somewhere, and to live peacefully means following down this road. I cannot step off. What this means for songwriting and recording and performing, I don't know. My main hope now is finding the right healers, people who can walk with me and know my needs deeply.

A Letter to My Pittsburgh Peers

Dear Musicians & Friends,

I just wanted to send you a note of appreciation for all of your creativity this year. Whether I saw you at the Open Stage while hosting, or shared a bill with you, or trotted out to hear one of your shows this year as a listener, I have been inspired by your music and lyrics, your tenacity, and your contribution to the music scene in the city.

I recently ran into a Pittsburgh artist that decided to hang it up, for good reasons. The DIY culture has become a mandate of sorts, leaving many of us less time to create. Sometimes this can inspire you to go harder, and sometimes it can make you feel like you're in a crazy hamster wheel. The stress of having to do it all inspires different responses in different people. This artist decided it was time to leave. I'm on the edge, I guess.

My body crapped out on me in late summer. After some diagnostic efforts we figured a major part of what happened was a little something called Adrenal Fatigue. It took years to develop, I bet, and I had never heard of it before. I suspect, though, that many a DIY artist is especially susceptible to this syndrome. You may or may not be one. I hope you are not.

Anyhow, I'm looking at the world from a different angle. It's pretty freakin' great and it makes me grateful to be alive. It makes me do odd things like turn down First Night gigs on New Year's Eve, and write letters instead just to say I think you're on The Good Road, walking it in your own way.

I look forward to hearing your new songs and your old favorites in 2010.

My best wishes to you,

Heather

Happy Holidays

Well, it's been quite some time since I've written. I've been thrown into a really intense few months of internal work, healing from some chronic illness, and evaluating my sense of vocation around being an artist. Mostly I'm tired, but lately I do find myself waking up and thinking about songs...which I hope means that I'll be back making music soon.


I heard of the passing of one of the wonderful people who booked me this year. It's amazing how short life is, and how one minute a person can exist physically in the world and then they don't. 


In this cycle of life and death and life, I hope you are spending the holiday season with ones you love and who love you. Here's to a fine year in 2010, year of the tiger. I wish you safe and warm darkest days.

NW Tour Cancelled

Most of you who may follow my musical activities already know I had to cancel my NW performances due to illness. The healing process is taking a really long time, but today I didn't feel worse...so that's a good sign. 

Well, I'm two weeks away from my first tour of the Pacific Northwest. It's been years in coming. So why now?

A number of months ago now, I had a chance encounter with an intuitive astrologer, who rather quickly blew me away with his perceptive interpretation of my chart. His first statement to me was, "So, you're thinking about moving." to which I replied, "I'm always thinking about moving." How did he know?

I had never heard of the concept that some places on the planet are better or worse for individuals, but it makes sense seeing that astrology is all about the placement and relationship of objects. He plugged some numbers into his computer and up popped a cool chart of the USA with lines running over it. The worst U.S. location is the north/south line running through State College, PA (sorry State College), but the best is the Pacific Northwest. And that's where I was born.

I was nearing the completion of my album at the time and promised myself that an album loosely musing about hearth & home deserves some live performance in the best location in country. Maybe somehow the songs will make more sense there, as they often make little sense to me here. And so, here I am and here I go.